A completely unnecessary but surprisingly accurate self-assessment.

Every company has an employee handbook.

Every employee has a personnel file.

If I had one, it would probably contain the following warning:

“Subject displays excessive sarcasm, frequent movie quoting, and a troubling tendency to turn ordinary weekends into road trips.”

For those unfamiliar with The DoozyDude, here are a few facts that would almost certainly concern most HR departments.

🎵 Fact #1: I’m Fluent in Music Lyrics

I may not remember why I walked into a room.

I may not remember where I put my keys.

I may not remember your birthday.

But I can somehow remember every word to songs I haven’t heard since the Reagan administration.

If random lyrics start playing in my head at 3:17 AM, that’s not a bug.

It’s a feature.

🎬 Fact #2: I Frequently Communicate Using Movie Quotes

Some people use facts.

Some people use logic.

I use movie quotes.

At least once a week I find myself saying things like:

“We’re gonna need a bigger boat.”

or

“So you’re telling me there’s a chance.”

Sometimes people understand.

Sometimes they stare at me.

Both outcomes are entertaining.

😏 Fact #3: Sarcasm Is My Native Language

I speak English.

I also speak fluent sarcasm.

Occasionally at the same time.

If you’ve ever asked me a question with an obvious answer, you’ve probably received a response that wasn’t technically wrong but also wasn’t particularly helpful.

I’m working on it.

Not very hard.

But I’m working on it.

🤬 Fact #4: My Vocabulary Expands Dramatically During Home Improvement Projects

I don’t swear much.

Unless I’m:

• Fixing something
• Building something
• Installing something
• Assembling something
• Looking for a tool I literally had five seconds ago

Then suddenly I’m speaking in ancient languages previously unknown to mankind.

🔥 Fact #5: I Have a History of Questionable Decision-Making

Let’s define “questionable.”

Did it make sense at the time?

Yes.

Would I do it again?

Also yes.

Did it eventually become a great story?

Exactly.

That’s the important part.

🍻 Fact #6: One Drink Is Usually the Beginning of a Story

Nobody has ever said:

“Let me tell you about the time I drank a glass of water and went to bed at 8:30.”

The best stories usually start with:

“So there I was…”

And that’s all the warning you need.

✈️ Fact #7: I Believe Most Problems Can Be Improved With a Road Trip

Bad mood?

Road trip.

Need inspiration?

Road trip.

Want tacos from a place you’ve never heard of?

Road trip.

Could I stay home and be responsible?

Technically.

🍔 Fact #8: I Have Never Trusted a Diet That Didn’t Allow Cheeseburgers

Life is about balance.

A salad is balance.

A cheeseburger is balance.

A cheeseburger with fries is advanced balance.

Don’t argue.

I’ve done the research.

🌲 Fact #9: I Am Easily Distracted by Campfires, Mountains, and Hidden Gems

Some people chase money.

Some people chase status.

I chase:

• Campfires
• Scenic overlooks
• Small-town diners
• Covered bridges
• Ice cream stands
• Places with suspiciously good pie

We all have our priorities.

🫎 Fact #10: I Collect Stories More Than Common Sense

At the end of the day, nobody remembers the emails.

Nobody remembers the meetings.

Nobody remembers the spreadsheets.

People remember the stories.

The adventures.

The laughs.

The times things went completely off the rails and somehow turned out better than expected.

Those are the moments worth collecting.

The DoozyDude Thought of the Day

HR would probably call these red flags.

I call them qualifications.

Life is short.

Take the trip.

Tell the joke.

Order the special.

Quote the movie.

Buy the weird thing.

Cause a little harmless chaos.

And for the love of all things awesome, collect some stories worth telling.

Because years from now, nobody gathers around a campfire to talk about how responsible they were.

🫎🍻

THE DOOZY DUDE

Awesomeness Awaits.

Sat through the hype so you don’t have to.